Hunger

I had forgotten how much waiting is part of the adoption process. With Mikias, we were so anxious and felt like we were waiting "all the time". When he was finally home, you erase all those frustrating feelings from your memory and dive in to bonding, adjusting...parenting. With Sintayehu, the wait has been longer and harder. Coupled with the fact, that you learn new things which gives you one more thing to worry about.

Recently, we discovered that Ethiopia has a shortage of formula. Yes, you read that right. A shortage of formula. It is often hard for me to wrap my head around the ideals of hunger when everywhere I turn, food is around me. Most groceries stores have aisles of food and stacks of formula at that. So, how is it possible that there is a shortage of formula? And a shortage of formula in a country where my son is at! It makes me want to scream.

I often find myself in a struggle between the reality of how things are and the way things should be. I find myself angry at the thought that orphanages in Ethiopia probably don't rank high on a list of formula "getters". I struggle with my thoughts of how this is being remedied at the moment. My thoughts usually center on less feedings, watered down nourishment and then an overall feeling of dispair. Of course these are speculations and it gets tiring trying to dig around and find out what really is going on. Do I even want to know?

Benjamin and I are well aware that this is part of the choice we made in adopting from a country where resources aren't as plenty. It doesn't make it hurt any less. Although, in many ways, it has been a gift as the perspective gained is priceless.

When I fast forward to the day we will meet Sintayehu and leave the orphanage with him in our arms, I know we will feel relief. However, I anticipate the look back over our shoulders on our way out too. It is those kids that I can't get out of my mind most of all. It is the children who are there right now, who may or may not be HIV+, that might have a lesser chance for a different option. Whether Sintayehu knows it or not, he is already loved deeply. He will be nourished by much more than food. I just feel so much for children that remain who hunger for a family, hunger for love and now have to hunger for food.

As a mother, my daily prayer is that our son feels nourished by hope that we will be there soon...